100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Invocation Conundrum
by Shenandoah76209
Summary: Those whom the goddess touched she did not easily let slip from her grasp.


Rules:

1\. Sheldon/Penny – They can be platonic, romantic, smutty, Super Heroes/Villains, etc.

2\. Leonard/Amy's death MAY occur anytime from the Pilot thru Season 9

3\. The death must be completed in a single chapter, although you are welcome to contribute as many different forms of death as you like as long as they are a chapter each.

4\. The story must be no more than 1,500 words long.

5\. Deadline is October 31, 2015.

* * *

 **100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Invocation Conundrum**

Raj smiled as Penny thanked him. "I really appreciate it sweetie. I mean I still don't understand everything but I've got a decent grasp and that'll give me a leg up in my Eastern Cultural Studies course."

"It was my pleasure." He didn't get to talk about Hinduism much, the scientists he worked with considered most religion to be superstitious nonsense.

Penny grinned at him, "I ought to send up a few prayers to Kali. She's the badass feminist of Hinduism right?"

Raj chuckled at the description but nodded, "Time and Empowerment, Creation, Change, Preservation and Destruction. Kali has it all."

"Yeah and if what I think is happening is actually happening then I'd love for Kali to work a little of her change and destruction." Penny's smile slipped slightly.

"What's happening?" Raj frown in concern.

"Leonard's been acting all squirrelly lately." Penny sighed. "Part of me thinks he's cheating on me."

The astrophysicist's frown deepened. "He has been acting odd at work. Coming late to lunch and texting while he's talking to us. Would you like me to see what I can find out?"

Penny shook her head. "No thanks sweetie. I don't want to put you in a bad spot. He's just been acting weird around Sheldon too apparently and it got me thinking."

Raj nodded and watched as Penny waved goodbye, absently waving in return, before considering Leonard's behavior of late. A call to Sheldon confirmed the timing and soon an email containing all of Sheldon's interactions with Leonard over the past two months arrived in Raj's inbox.

The slender man shook his head worriedly. He hoped Penny wasn't thinking of vengeance if she did pray or make an offering to Kali. Kali was the fierce aspect of Durga after all, and a destroyer of evil forces.

* * *

Sheldon regarded Raj with a thoughtful expression as the astrophysicist finished explaining his conclusions about Leonard's behavior. "So you would have me believe that Leonard is 'up to no good' based strictly upon your observations and Penny's feelings?" Raj nodded, resigned to defending his theory but Sheldon shook his head forestalling him. "Admittedly I do not care to place much credence in subjective information but I've learnt that Penny's gut instincts are uncannily accurate. And as you have placed yourself in the position of observer of our group, you generally are fairly dispassionate in your observations."

"You believe me then?" Raj nearly sighed in relief.

"I do, but what Leonard is up to remains a mystery." Sheldon frowned. "Still, he is behaving hurtfully to Penny and disrespectfully to myself. Some action must be taken."

"What if… I had an idea of what we could do?" Raj offered. "Something that if what Leonard is doing is harmless, won't hurt him at all. But if he's genuinely betraying Penny's trust, he'll be punished."

"I was not aware you had access to an actual karmic weapon," Sheldon was looking at him in surprise.

Raj nearly grinned but shook his head. "It was Penny who made me think of it. She mentioned praying to Kali."

"Kali, the Destroyer?" Sheldon's eyes went wide and Raj remembered that once Sheldon had studied everything about Hinduism in order to converse knowledgably with a donor. It had turned out the donor was Southern Baptist but once Sheldon learned something he couldn't unlearn it.

"That is simplified and somewhat derogatory," Raj shook his head. "Kali is empowerment. Creation, Preservation and Change. Destruction is only one of her aspects."

"Point taken." Sheldon took a deep breath. "What would praying to Kali do?"

"Are you familiar with the Thuggee?"

* * *

It was Sheldon's job to get Penny on board. No easy task that since he was hardly on board himself. But he got Penny to the apartment and sat her down so Raj could explain.

"You mean she's real?" Penny's eyes widened. "Oh my god! I've been sorta…muttering to her, you know, when I felt like I needed empowerment. She's not like the regular god, she's really, like, really real?"

"Well she's never appeared corporeally," Raj shrugged. "But for our purposes, purposes that align with Kali, she is very real. You've been feeling better lately, speaking your little prayers to her, feeling like you are empowered by the act?"

"Well yeah, I figured it was…psycho… placebo…" Penny frowned.

"Psychosomatic." Sheldon offered helpfully and Penny nodded.

"Yeah, that I was doing it to myself."

"You were in a way. But every time you name Kali, she becomes a stronger presence in your life." Raj smiled. "This actually works out quite well. Kali is, of sorts, your patron already. Have you prayed to her about Leonard?"

"This morning actually," Penny nodded again looking a little bummed. "He stood me up last night. We were supposed to go out but he never showed up."

"Good." Raj began to explain what they were going to do.

Penny stared at him and Sheldon for a long moment. "Sheldon, you really think this will work?"

"I believe it is worthy of our efforts." Sheldon nodded. "There is always that in the universe that cannot be explained. But should we?"

"In this way we can be certain that any action taken is the correct one," Raj explained. "We do not take action ourselves. We give ourselves to the goddess and trust her to take action on our behalf. I will be your arbiter, the speaker, and you and Sheldon will make the offering."

"What is the offering?" Penny asked uneasily. "I mean, we're not trying to invoke her bloodthirsty, destruction aspect on purpose."

Raj shook his head. "The offering is simple. Nothing the two of you cannot do. Red wine, as a substitute for blood, and the two of you share a kiss. It symbolizes the duality of our offering and request. If Leonard has done nothing wrong, the kiss will be chaste, platonic. If Leonard has done ill, the wine will disappear."

"That's how we'll know it's accepted?" Penny asked in a small worried voice.

Raj smiled as he saw Sheldon take Penny's hand. "Yes." He began to lay out his incense and the small rug with the tiny altar atop it. "We burn incense for Kali and you two sit facing each other on either side of the altar. I'll speak the mantra for the offering. When I nod two of you sip the wine from the cup I've placed between you and then you kiss, with the wine still in your mouths."

He watched as the two of them got into position, shoes off to suggest humility, hands clasped to represent lack of ill intent. The mantra flowed easily off his tongue, his native language rising with the incense to Kali's ears and finally he nodded to the two of them.

Penny took the wine and sipped, handing the goblet to Sheldon who did the same. The two of them leaned forward in unison and their lips pressed together gently. Raj stared in awe as the kiss grew more intense, Sheldon pulling Penny towards him and Penny's hands threading into Sheldon's short hair as they devoured each other.

The tiny gong sounded and Raj was grateful as it disturbed the two supplicants just enough to break the kiss, though they still were staring at each other.

Raj cleared his throat and recited the closing of the mantra before extinguishing the cone of incense. "So, ah, exactly what happened?"

"The wine…" Penny was almost stuttering.

Sheldon's cheeks were blushing faintly but he was able to answer the question. "The wine disappeared the moment our lips touched. I've never felt anything like it."

"Like Fire…" Penny murmured.

"Well," Raj began to pack away the altar. "I think the offering was accepted. And Kali has blessed the two of you." He eyed them sternly. "Kali's blessings often are a double edged sword. I would do nothing to incur her wrath. Allow Her to work her will as she chooses. And wait."

Penny nodded, still shaken, while Sheldon held her hand tightly in his, also nodding. After a moment Sheldon collected himself and looked at the clock. "The others will be here soon. I suggest we open the windows and order the food."

* * *

Raj wasn't surprised when Leonard and Amy were shot late one night, the victims of an apparent mugging, pale yellow scarves wrapped around both their necks. He was even less surprised when Penny and Sheldon began to date afterward. When Kali took an interest in someone's life, she tended to nudge them in the direction that was best for them.

He smiled as he finished his mantra. He still heard Penny muttering her little prayers to Kali now and then. Asking for patience or creativity. Sheldon was quieter about it but he'd recently acquired a small representation of the goddess and kept it in a place of honor in his office. She was the goddess of Creativity after all.

Those whom the goddess touched she did not easily let slip from her grasp.

* * *

 _Author's Note: Any mistakes regarding Kali and the Hindu religion are my own. I am by no means an expert. As always, trollish flaming reviews will be ignored and the reviewers thanked for driving up my page views._


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